Letting Go

In my life I've had various dreams, goals and desires. Some I have out grown, knowing it's just not part of my story. New ones have come, and after pursuing for awhile, have gone away. And then there are some that have lingered, coming to the surface full force every so often.

One dream, goal and desire of mine was to live along the southern California coast to be near my family, to be in the sun and surf at all possible times. There is something about the California beach that has always tugged at me. A life I had dreamed of for as long as I can remember.

Then last year when God called us to adopt I felt that dream slipping through my fingers. I knew I couldn't desire both. I couldn't be all-in to the life God was calling me to and still captivated by the dream I so wanted to live out. And so I prayed. I prayed and prayed that God would release me from whatever dream I had conjured up in my mind that didn't align with his. And much to my surprise, one morning he did...

About a week before we decided for sure that we were going to pursue adopting two children I looked at another beach picture in my bathroom. It's a smaller black and white picture with a pier and two small silhouettes of people holding surf boards heading to the ocean. My dream. I needed to have my heart 100% present and passionately pursuing my children. With a reckless abandon and a reckless love. So as I looked at the picture I prayed again. I prayed that God would do a work in my heart to let go of this dream and that my heart would be taken over with what God's dream for my life is. Through tears I submitted all my hopes and dreams, asking Him to align my heart with His. 

The two black and white pictures below I have had probably since high school. Last summer while going through items to sell in our garage sale I pulled these treasures out. They had been hung in the first apartment Tyler and I moved into after we got married (and then the next seven places we lived in the next five years). They had also once been on the walls of our current home, but taken down for some reason I can't even remember now. And so I sold them. Probably sold them for all of $10, even though in my mind they were worth so much more. But they just didn't belong to me anymore. I had to let go.

Over this last week I've been reminded of how much God has messed up "my" life. I thought I'd live in Southern California. Nope. I thought I'd be the wife of a youth pastor forever. Nope. I thought I'd have two children and that's it. Nope. But hear me say this: my life is even more beautiful than I ever could have dreamed.

Tyler was affirmed today at church as the new lead pastor. See? I never thought I'd be a lead pastor's wife. We live in Oregon. Yet again a place I had wanted so badly to leave growing up. We have three children with two more on the way. But I wouldn't change this for the world. This is where I belong. I love it here. I love our church. I love our community. I love our friends and family that are so close. I even love the cool foggy mornings and the cloudy cozy days. (I do fiercely look forward to summer though!) This is what God's calling me to. To be living and doing the exact things he has called me to brings such peace and excitement. It's a letting go of the good thing in order to grasp the better.

And so I wanted to share with you today about these pictures and the process because...

This. Is. Better.

The Hoe-Down

For so long it seems like everything in life has been in a holding pattern. Recently there have been some exciting things happening! There's really exciting news at the end of this post... don't skip to it though! (I know there are some of you who skip to the back of a good book to read the ending first!) There's lots of good stuff to read about!

Last Friday night we had the honor and blessing of being the chosen family for the Hoe-Down Adoption Fundraiser. Let me give you a little back story as to how this all came about...

Last Spring when the idea of adoption was fresh on our hearts and minds I was running with my friend Elena.  During one of our runs she mentioned to me about a family she knew of who had recently adopted from the DRC (Democratic Republic of the Congo) and that they had a blog. Of course I had to go home and read all the blog posts in one sitting. They were so good!! I may have cried a few tears for a family I didn't even know. :)

Fast forward a month or two, and it was August (probably my favorite month of the year, but that's probably not really relevant here). I finally made it to the splash pad in Salem with my friend Sara. It was a glorious, hot summer day for a picnic and time playing outside. As a native Oregonian who probably should have grown up in Southern California, I live for days like those. While I'm watching my kids play in the water I see this family that looks curiously familiar. My heart starts to beat a little faster as it seems to do that when God is asking me to do something. I walked over to this woman I didn't know, but had read about her journey and introduced myself. So yes, I confess, I'm a blog stalker. :)  Um yeah, that is so NOT me! She was so sweet and gracious and we chatted for a bit until our children pulled us away from conversation needing help with something.

A few minutes later Kara (the woman I probably just scared and who probably thought I was crazy) came over to me and said that while she was helping her children she could feel God stirring in her heart. You see, Kara and her husband Jeff have this huge and amazing heart for orphans. They found a way to raise money during their adoption process and are now blessing other families by putting on the same event for those other families. And that stirring that Kara was feeling was that we were to be the next family they would do the event for! What?!?! I don't even know you, but we have mutual friends so that's cool and now you're going to bless us?!?! Seriously. If you allow God to work in your life, he's going to orchestrate some crazy amazing things!!

And now fast forward again to last Friday. The Third Annual Adoption Fundraising Hoe-Down happened! And we were so blessed. Blessed by the people who donated forks and napkins. Blessed by the people who made pies. Blessed by the people who donated the barn. Blessed by the people ran the photo booth and the t-shirt table and served pies. Blessed by the people who took care of the drinks. Blessed by the people who came, who ate pie, who danced, and who gave. And blessed by the family I met at a splash pad who gave us the humbling honor of being the recipient of this event.

The whole evening was so much fun. By the end of the night we had raised $3,048! Unreal! Adoption is beautiful. It's also expensive. But God knows exactly what we need and He provides. And because we spoke about it at the Hoe-Down, I'll share it here too: We are estimating that adopting two children will cost around $47,500. (Originally we had thought $50,000, but there have been a few changes recently in Haiti.) With fundraising, the generosity of friends and family and our own personal savings, we have raised $28,000! That leaves $19,500. That may sound like a lot, but I don't even feel worried about it. I will say that I eagerly look forward to having all the money raised though, that's for sure! It will be such a relief to not have that hanging in the back of my mind, but God is good and He provides.

We have two fundraisers that we are working on right now. We are hoping to have another garage sale in May or June. We have already had people donating items! My garage is getting full!!
We also have t-shirts. They were available at the Hoe-Down, but there are more! $20 for the shirts :)

And now the really exciting news....

Our Dossier is on it's way to Haiti!! Once it arrives in Haiti it will need to be legalized. Then after that it will be submitted to the government agency that matches the children with families. So now we wait. We have no idea how long it will take to be matched... one month, two months, six or more... 

The first part of our journey seemed to take much longer than I thought it would. During that time God has provided. There is a whisper in my heart that God has provided so much financially now because this second half will happen sooner than I'm anticipating it will. I know it's all in God's timing. But I'm praying that it won't be long before we are introduced to our sweet children's faces. 

Here's how you can be praying for us now:

1. As we continue to raise the funds that are needed that God would provide.

2. That the second half of this adoption journey would go quickly and smoothly.

I feel like I still have so much to share... but I'm going to wait until Sunday to finish those thoughts. :)

Random Thoughts

I'm supposed to be working on Tyler's reimbursements right now. But I can't really focus... I've got too much adoption stuff on my mind! I thought I'd share a few things really quickly and then get back to work! :)

We have our appointment with USCIS next week to get our fingerprints taken. Then soon after that appointment we should get our approval on the US side to proceed. Once we get approval we can send our Dossier to Haiti. Now that I know we are close I started looking at all our paperwork again that I've been collecting over the months. And as the months went by some of the papers now need to be updated and small fixes need to be made before we take them in to be notarized. On top of that I just found out today that after they are notarized we need to take them to the County and the State to be authenticated. (I don't know how I missed that step before!)

Needless to say, my mind is spinning. I want to be sure to get everything right! There are so many papers to check and double check. Signatures. Dates. Oh my! And then there are all the other needs to be met: the kids need a snack, dishes need to be done, laundry piling up. Sometimes the calling feels so great and heavy and yet exciting and urgent at the same time. Yep, I feel a tad overwhelmed. :)

Then I hear a gentle whisper. From somewhere deep in my soul God reminded me of this:

He is my Rock.
The End. (And I'm off to get the kids a snack!)

The Next Step

We have made it to our next step! One step that felt like I ran about 50 marathons and had to crawl my way to the finish line to take. Phew!!

On Friday, February 13th we received our finalized Home Study documents. I was beyond thrilled when I saw this beautiful little package sitting by our front door. :)

Our next step was to file our I-800A paperwork with immigration. We had all that paperwork ready, so I grabbed one copy of our home study and went right out to mail the paperwork. I got confirmation on Monday they received our paperwork. And now we wait for notice in the mail of our biometrics appointment. Biometrics is when we go and have our picture taken, an electronic capture of our signature and our fingerprints - as far as I understand anyway. :) I can update you on that once I experience what actually happens!

This process usually takes 6-8 weeks. Then we can send our dossier to Haiti! We are sooooo close! Once we send our dossier to Haiti we will have another waiting game on our hands. Waiting to be matched with our kiddos!

In the meantime, now that we have our home study, we can apply for grants. I'm not as excited about this one... more filling out paperwork. But this adoption stuff is EXPENSIVE!! Filling out grant applications will now become my new part-time job. ;)

And speaking of expenses; we have a super fun fundraising event coming up! (It's a total God-thing how this fundraiser came about, but that's another story for another time.) Mark your calendars! Tell and invite your friends and family!

Waiting Patiently (or not so much)

It's been 13 years since Tyler asked me to marry him. I pretty much knew it was coming. So when Christmas season began in 2001 I eagerly anticipated him asking me at any moment.

Then Christmas Eve came and went.

Then Christmas Day came and went.

I thought maybe I'd missed something... isn't the Christmas season a romantic time for proposing???

Then New Years Eve came and went.

New Years Day 2002. Tyler and I drove to the beach to spend the day. And that's when he FINALLY proposed. On the beach. That was pretty romantic too. ;)


Fast forward 13 years... I spent this past Christmas season eagerly anticipating hearing from our adoption agency that our home study was finalized.

Then Christmas Eve came and went.

Then Christmas Day came and went.

What more did they need from us to complete it? More paperwork I'd missed? More training? Oh how I wished every day that they would call and tell us we were finalized.

Then New Years Eve came and went.

The New Year began and I just kept wondering when we'd find out. It's so hard to be patient! To find the balance between being diligent and working towards bringing our kids home and being patient is definitely a struggle for me. I don't know how I would have handled it before cell phones- I'd never leave my house in anticipation that ANY DAY we could get a phone call from our agency! I guess even with my cell phone I worried that they would call when I wasn't able to answer. :)

I've spent the past 16 days trying to focus on my kids and Tyler, friendships, eating better and exercising more, my relationship with Christ and my time spent in prayer, reading new books, etc. But so often I found myself checking my email and the ringer volume on my phone.

Then today we got some great news! We are officially approved to adopt two children (siblings)!!!  I am so incredibly happy!!! We have never wavered from feeling that God has called us to adopt two children and so now to have that made more possible now is such a relief and blessing.

My sweet friend and fellow adoptive momma in process made this bracelet for me. It says: "For these children I have prayed" and so for these children I will continue to pray!!