Patience & Prayer

I have come to realize recently how significant dates are to me. They mark major events. They mark the passing of time. They bring back memories, good or bad. They come and then they go.

Over the last few months there have been some significant dates that have passed in my life and in the months to come there will be as well. I think there's an important part in our future that comes from remembering our past. I think of the stones the Israelites placed after crossing the Jordan. Stones to remind them of where they came from and how God provided them a path forward.

Three years ago I began writing in a five year journal. One calendar date will have space to write something separate for the next five years. Some days I do better than others in keeping track. Lately as I've written I can see what happened on that date last year and the year before. So many events keep popping up! Like when I went with Penny on her field trip to the Fire Station. Or when Logan was coming home with Tyler and Haley and threw up all over himself in his carseat. :) I love reading about the little things that happened in our day to day life.

Lately I have been itching to write a new entry and it just isn't happening (yet). Right now we are waiting to get our exit letter from IBESR. We have been waiting two months and six days just to get this letter (but who's counting??). After this we move to the court system where our sweet boy legally becomes ours in Haiti.

Before we got our referral a friend of mind asked to pray specifically that we'd get our referral. She prayed every day for this. I joined her in this prayer and in less than a month we got it! As soon as we knew we were just waiting to exit I asked my friend to join me in prayer again, to pray specifically that we exit. And so every single day she and I pray at 6:15 am. Some days all I do is beg God, asking over and over and over. Other days I am more eloquent and pray that I would continue to be patient and trust in His timing. No day is perfect, but once again I find myself in a space of learning patience.

Each day I am ready to write that entry. Each day I continue to grow in patience. Each day I pray protection over my son and that we will exit. Each day all I can do is know and trust that the God who loves me, listens to me and will move that paperwork in His perfect timing.

Each day I stand ready to place that stone of remembrance.

Home Study Update

It was only about a year ago that our Home Study was finalized. In some ways it doesn't seem possible that it's been a year already, yet in other ways it feels like a lot longer.

Since January 1st I've been trying to be much better about writing in my 5 year journal. As I have been writing each day, these are some of the things that have stood out to me from the previous year: January 11, 2015 Tyler had an elder meeting to talk about a few potential lead pastor candidates. January 13, 2015 I spent some time looking at our finances, the housing market and if it was a possibility to sell our house. January 16, 2015 we got a call from our agency saying we'd been approved for two children.

And now back to today, January 20th, 2016. We begin our Home Study update tomorrow. Tyler has a new position, we moved and now we have one boy within our sights. All of these items will be updated. We are hoping to have this update completed by March. I don't know what all an update entails, but I'm ready to get working so that we can be as current as possible when our referral actually does come!

We have had to change our Home Study agency due to staffing changes at our prior agency. I'm not nervous, but it does make me a little more anxious than I'd like to admit. Someone we don't know and have never met will be coming into our home tomorrow. It seems interesting to me that someone from outside my world is going to come in and examine my family and my home. In some ways I understand how it's good for someone to come in with no bias. On the other hand I wonder how well they can really know what they need to know about us. So yes, I may not be a nervous wreck, but I'm for sure going to go and dust now!



Penny made this on our white board the other day. She said it was for her little brother so that when he came home it would help him remember his brother and sisters names. I love how the kids think of him and pray for him. Thought I'd share that little tidbit too. :)

We Bought a Zoo

Ok, not really. We didn't buy a Zoo. I saw that movie once and for some reason when I think of saying what I want to say, that comes to mind. Seriously though, we bought a mattress. No big deal. People do that. But this mattress is for my boy. My son. I don't know his name. I've never seen his face. I don't even know how old he is!

We've been given what's called a "soft referral" by our agency. There is one boy that our agency is trying to match us with. Our paperwork and his paperwork are both being processed by the Haitian government. And at some point they should hopefully come together for an official match. Until then, we know nothing about him. Well, not nothing... we know he's somewhere between the ages of 1 and 5. Not much to go off of. :)

It's an amazing experience to feel your love grow for a child you've never even met. So many similarities to what it was like before we met each of our other children. And I thought 9 months was a long time to wait!! It's been 18 months so far... now that's a long pregnancy! 

While we were settling into our new home I think I hit a bit of a nesting phase and bought matching sheets and bedding for our boys. Crazy. I know I'm crazy. Yes, it makes some days difficult seeing the empty bed and wondering how long it will really be before he comes home. Other days it makes me smile in wonderful anticipation.  It reminds me to continue preparing in any way I can for him. It also reminds me to pray for his relationships with his siblings as they prepare to welcome him into our family. Most of all though, it reminds me to pray for him and where he's at right now.

Now some of you might be wondering why only one child when we'd been desiring two. Currently there are no siblings within our criteria available at the orphanages our agency is partnered with. At first I was a bit surprised. I mean, we'd clearly stated that we felt God was calling us to two children. I still feel that way! We are over the moon for this little boy, no doubt about that. But our hearts are open and ready for whoever God has planned for our family. It may not all come together how I imagined it. But it will be even better when God puts our family together just as He desires. One boy for now. Another boy or girl later? Only God knows!

Changes and Thankfulness

In the past few months we have gone through a big season of transition. In June, shortly after our Dossier was officially submitted in Haiti, we sold our house. It was the house we first purchased when we moved to Stayton. It's the only home my three kids have ever known. When we moved into the house it was just Tyler and I. It was such a great home and we were so thankful for it. We also were beginning to feel a bit like we were busting at the seams in it. Not that it was packed full of stuff, but as we have grown in our hosting and in our number of family members it had begun to feel tight.

We began praying about what we should do. We spoke with our friend who was a real estate agent. We listed our house with him and sold it three days later!! The hunt began for a new place... nothing seemed to fit us. Either the price was too high or the house just didn't feel right. We began to feel a bit panicked over what to do! (Ok, maybe me more than Tyler...) In God's timing a rental home owned by some other friends of ours became available. They so graciously let us rent the house from them even knowing we were looking to buy a home and not stay there long term. We were so thankful to know we had a place to move in to!

The day our house closed, the house we had really been wanting to purchase came back on the market. We put in our offer and waited to hear if we'd gotten the house. Days later.... We got the house!! We were so excited! It was a bank owned property that needed some renovations done (Fixer Upper anyone?? I love that show!! :)). The closing process was long, God has really been teaching me a lot about patience! Once we got the keys to our new home there was no more waiting as there was a ton of work to do! We were so blessed by family and friends who helped us do the work, bring us dinner and helping out with the kids. We are settled in and it feels like home. There are a few small projects to finish up, but what house doesn't have projects waiting to be finished?!

We are now in the process of having our home study updated. With moving we have to make sure that all our documentation is current. It was about one year ago we were just finishing our home study! So much has changed since then! Even in the waiting now for our additional child(ren) we are so thankful for a home that is ready to welcome whoever God has planned to join our family.

Letting Go

In my life I've had various dreams, goals and desires. Some I have out grown, knowing it's just not part of my story. New ones have come, and after pursuing for awhile, have gone away. And then there are some that have lingered, coming to the surface full force every so often.

One dream, goal and desire of mine was to live along the southern California coast to be near my family, to be in the sun and surf at all possible times. There is something about the California beach that has always tugged at me. A life I had dreamed of for as long as I can remember.

Then last year when God called us to adopt I felt that dream slipping through my fingers. I knew I couldn't desire both. I couldn't be all-in to the life God was calling me to and still captivated by the dream I so wanted to live out. And so I prayed. I prayed and prayed that God would release me from whatever dream I had conjured up in my mind that didn't align with his. And much to my surprise, one morning he did...

About a week before we decided for sure that we were going to pursue adopting two children I looked at another beach picture in my bathroom. It's a smaller black and white picture with a pier and two small silhouettes of people holding surf boards heading to the ocean. My dream. I needed to have my heart 100% present and passionately pursuing my children. With a reckless abandon and a reckless love. So as I looked at the picture I prayed again. I prayed that God would do a work in my heart to let go of this dream and that my heart would be taken over with what God's dream for my life is. Through tears I submitted all my hopes and dreams, asking Him to align my heart with His. 

The two black and white pictures below I have had probably since high school. Last summer while going through items to sell in our garage sale I pulled these treasures out. They had been hung in the first apartment Tyler and I moved into after we got married (and then the next seven places we lived in the next five years). They had also once been on the walls of our current home, but taken down for some reason I can't even remember now. And so I sold them. Probably sold them for all of $10, even though in my mind they were worth so much more. But they just didn't belong to me anymore. I had to let go.

Over this last week I've been reminded of how much God has messed up "my" life. I thought I'd live in Southern California. Nope. I thought I'd be the wife of a youth pastor forever. Nope. I thought I'd have two children and that's it. Nope. But hear me say this: my life is even more beautiful than I ever could have dreamed.

Tyler was affirmed today at church as the new lead pastor. See? I never thought I'd be a lead pastor's wife. We live in Oregon. Yet again a place I had wanted so badly to leave growing up. We have three children with two more on the way. But I wouldn't change this for the world. This is where I belong. I love it here. I love our church. I love our community. I love our friends and family that are so close. I even love the cool foggy mornings and the cloudy cozy days. (I do fiercely look forward to summer though!) This is what God's calling me to. To be living and doing the exact things he has called me to brings such peace and excitement. It's a letting go of the good thing in order to grasp the better.

And so I wanted to share with you today about these pictures and the process because...

This. Is. Better.

The Hoe-Down

For so long it seems like everything in life has been in a holding pattern. Recently there have been some exciting things happening! There's really exciting news at the end of this post... don't skip to it though! (I know there are some of you who skip to the back of a good book to read the ending first!) There's lots of good stuff to read about!

Last Friday night we had the honor and blessing of being the chosen family for the Hoe-Down Adoption Fundraiser. Let me give you a little back story as to how this all came about...

Last Spring when the idea of adoption was fresh on our hearts and minds I was running with my friend Elena.  During one of our runs she mentioned to me about a family she knew of who had recently adopted from the DRC (Democratic Republic of the Congo) and that they had a blog. Of course I had to go home and read all the blog posts in one sitting. They were so good!! I may have cried a few tears for a family I didn't even know. :)

Fast forward a month or two, and it was August (probably my favorite month of the year, but that's probably not really relevant here). I finally made it to the splash pad in Salem with my friend Sara. It was a glorious, hot summer day for a picnic and time playing outside. As a native Oregonian who probably should have grown up in Southern California, I live for days like those. While I'm watching my kids play in the water I see this family that looks curiously familiar. My heart starts to beat a little faster as it seems to do that when God is asking me to do something. I walked over to this woman I didn't know, but had read about her journey and introduced myself. So yes, I confess, I'm a blog stalker. :)  Um yeah, that is so NOT me! She was so sweet and gracious and we chatted for a bit until our children pulled us away from conversation needing help with something.

A few minutes later Kara (the woman I probably just scared and who probably thought I was crazy) came over to me and said that while she was helping her children she could feel God stirring in her heart. You see, Kara and her husband Jeff have this huge and amazing heart for orphans. They found a way to raise money during their adoption process and are now blessing other families by putting on the same event for those other families. And that stirring that Kara was feeling was that we were to be the next family they would do the event for! What?!?! I don't even know you, but we have mutual friends so that's cool and now you're going to bless us?!?! Seriously. If you allow God to work in your life, he's going to orchestrate some crazy amazing things!!

And now fast forward again to last Friday. The Third Annual Adoption Fundraising Hoe-Down happened! And we were so blessed. Blessed by the people who donated forks and napkins. Blessed by the people who made pies. Blessed by the people who donated the barn. Blessed by the people ran the photo booth and the t-shirt table and served pies. Blessed by the people who took care of the drinks. Blessed by the people who came, who ate pie, who danced, and who gave. And blessed by the family I met at a splash pad who gave us the humbling honor of being the recipient of this event.

The whole evening was so much fun. By the end of the night we had raised $3,048! Unreal! Adoption is beautiful. It's also expensive. But God knows exactly what we need and He provides. And because we spoke about it at the Hoe-Down, I'll share it here too: We are estimating that adopting two children will cost around $47,500. (Originally we had thought $50,000, but there have been a few changes recently in Haiti.) With fundraising, the generosity of friends and family and our own personal savings, we have raised $28,000! That leaves $19,500. That may sound like a lot, but I don't even feel worried about it. I will say that I eagerly look forward to having all the money raised though, that's for sure! It will be such a relief to not have that hanging in the back of my mind, but God is good and He provides.

We have two fundraisers that we are working on right now. We are hoping to have another garage sale in May or June. We have already had people donating items! My garage is getting full!!
We also have t-shirts. They were available at the Hoe-Down, but there are more! $20 for the shirts :)

And now the really exciting news....

Our Dossier is on it's way to Haiti!! Once it arrives in Haiti it will need to be legalized. Then after that it will be submitted to the government agency that matches the children with families. So now we wait. We have no idea how long it will take to be matched... one month, two months, six or more... 

The first part of our journey seemed to take much longer than I thought it would. During that time God has provided. There is a whisper in my heart that God has provided so much financially now because this second half will happen sooner than I'm anticipating it will. I know it's all in God's timing. But I'm praying that it won't be long before we are introduced to our sweet children's faces. 

Here's how you can be praying for us now:

1. As we continue to raise the funds that are needed that God would provide.

2. That the second half of this adoption journey would go quickly and smoothly.

I feel like I still have so much to share... but I'm going to wait until Sunday to finish those thoughts. :)

Random Thoughts

I'm supposed to be working on Tyler's reimbursements right now. But I can't really focus... I've got too much adoption stuff on my mind! I thought I'd share a few things really quickly and then get back to work! :)

We have our appointment with USCIS next week to get our fingerprints taken. Then soon after that appointment we should get our approval on the US side to proceed. Once we get approval we can send our Dossier to Haiti. Now that I know we are close I started looking at all our paperwork again that I've been collecting over the months. And as the months went by some of the papers now need to be updated and small fixes need to be made before we take them in to be notarized. On top of that I just found out today that after they are notarized we need to take them to the County and the State to be authenticated. (I don't know how I missed that step before!)

Needless to say, my mind is spinning. I want to be sure to get everything right! There are so many papers to check and double check. Signatures. Dates. Oh my! And then there are all the other needs to be met: the kids need a snack, dishes need to be done, laundry piling up. Sometimes the calling feels so great and heavy and yet exciting and urgent at the same time. Yep, I feel a tad overwhelmed. :)

Then I hear a gentle whisper. From somewhere deep in my soul God reminded me of this:

He is my Rock.
The End. (And I'm off to get the kids a snack!)